Emotional incest: when children raise their parents
By my mother’s own accord, I raised her. The mother-daughter dynamic became reversed, but why? Continue reading Emotional incest: when children raise their parents
Not doing it for praise (and yet…)
This month, I spearheaded the campaign to remove a predator from my social group.
Not only triggering, I am disheartened at how hard I’ve had to fight for this. Continue reading Not doing it for praise (and yet…)
One self-imposed crisis after another
My friend looks relieved as he recounts his drama-filled days.“I used to say to my wife ‘we cannot have things too nice because they always go wrong‘.I do not think like that anymore. My days are quiet now, peaceful.”I too … Continue reading One self-imposed crisis after another
Desire to parent means wanting to BE parented
As a childless gal, I wouldn’t dare to make this statement myself.
Do people have children when they want to be unconditionally loved? Continue reading Desire to parent means wanting to BE parented
Why exercise feels dangerous to you
If you feel a natural aversion towards fast-paced exercise, you might be faced with unprocessed emotions. How do we still keep moving? Continue reading Why exercise feels dangerous to you
The lines we draw in us after pain
What if under our idea of self there is a hard line, an abyss we ignore? Once we have encountered trauma, this line is often hard to bypass. Continue reading The lines we draw in us after pain
Stressed and burned out? 4 tips to heal your soul
Humans today are born into a stressful and trauma-prone environment, forced to deny their true nature. Here are 4 tips to lead happier, healthier lives. Continue reading Stressed and burned out? 4 tips to heal your soul
Negative thinking will heal you
Does mainstream optimism exclude realities we avoid facing? Do we have enough confidence in ourselves to admit all truths? Continue reading Negative thinking will heal you
Shane Dawson and trauma-blaming *TW pedophilia*
If you watch Youtube, you will know Shane Dawson. Recently he has used his childhood sexual abuse as an excuse for offensive jokes which hurts all victims. Continue reading Shane Dawson and trauma-blaming *TW pedophilia*
Addiction and dating apps: the fast and intense
Has there has ever been this much supply and demand on dating apps? I wonder if we should be more careful in giving our heart’s attention away. Continue reading Addiction and dating apps: the fast and intense
Reverse Engineering: When yoga & meditation won’t do it!
How come our body and the external world do not feel safe, and how can we still learn to quieten down when yoga and meditation won’t do it? Continue reading Reverse Engineering: When yoga & meditation won’t do it!
Practical tips to lighten your heart off anger
When wrong has been done to us, strangely we have a tendency to hold on to anger. It can feel like taking back power, but here are some tips to let go. Continue reading Practical tips to lighten your heart off anger
Chronic guilt and the fox in the morning
I had registered the yelling of the cats long before I actually woke up. An incessant, high-pitched sound of three cats, all gathered on my balcony. Continue reading Chronic guilt and the fox in the morning
Tales of the anxious-avoidant attachment style
I’m desperate for romance and intimacy, but as soon as people get close to me I either push them away or get really obsessive? Disorganised attachment baby! Continue reading Tales of the anxious-avoidant attachment style
The illusion of being uniquely broken
Surely we are suffering because something wrong happened to us that was completely unique, unfair and unavoidable. Or is it? Continue reading The illusion of being uniquely broken
When your gut instinct and heart collide
We all desire something from time to time that we know deep down is wrong. How do we handle this turmoil of emotions, and which way do we go? Continue reading When your gut instinct and heart collide
Raising kids? Avoid this ONE THING
It’s very simple advice, and most parents go the other way. Raising kids has a million rules, but there is only one to follow to assure a loving upbringing. Continue reading Raising kids? Avoid this ONE THING
How to stop proving and instead improve yourself
Do you find yourself stuck in a loop of needing external validation and betraying your own needs to get it? Here’s how to finally tackle our dreams. Continue reading How to stop proving and instead improve yourself
Love and guilt are neighbours in me.
Is it bad that I cannot distinguish them? I grew up with them being interchangeable. I think myself in love but really, I feel too guilty to leave them. Continue reading Love and guilt are neighbours in me.
9 essentials tips for a true apology
It’s often hard enough to get ourselves to apologise, but did you know there are rules to it? To truly mend relationships, here are some tips. Continue reading 9 essentials tips for a true apology
Empath or codependent, which one are you?
The lines between empathy and codependency are blurred for many of us. Are you feeling more than you have to, and can you assert yourself? Continue reading Empath or codependent, which one are you?
Feeling rejected? Childhood abuse and abandonment
Nobody deals well with rejection and abandonment. If you’ve suffered from childhood trauma and CPTSD, there’s additional hurdles to conquer. Continue reading Feeling rejected? Childhood abuse and abandonment
Recovering from growing up too quickly
Were you the mature child in school? With traumatic childhood experiences, one learns to grow up far too quickly. Continue reading Recovering from growing up too quickly
To be right or to be free, that is the question of trauma
Children of dysfunctional families learn to “lawyer up” for every single conversation. Why is this ultimately backfiring on our happiness? Continue reading To be right or to be free, that is the question of trauma
How working with your felt sense will save your life
Trauma leaves us numb and foreign to our body, and there is no healing without coming home to it. Continue reading How working with your felt sense will save your life
Fearful? Anxious? Use your stress to create beauty using RAIN
It’s much easier to tell a loved one that everything is going to be alright when in fear compared to telling ourselves. Can we ever truly become our own best friend? Continue reading Fearful? Anxious? Use your stress to create beauty using RAIN
Our flaws are superpowers yet not controlled
It’s like my soul has these gorgeous church windows, but I can’t see the colours. By being introspective about my resentments, I’m wiping them one by one. Continue reading Our flaws are superpowers yet not controlled
The Ultimate Secret to Leaving Your Abusers
I spend a long time believing that pity was love. Continue reading The Ultimate Secret to Leaving Your Abusers
The truth revealed to my childhood abusers – their response?
It was a sunny Sunday morning, and I was walking to a busy cafe to tell my parents about my childhood abuse. Continue reading The truth revealed to my childhood abusers – their response?
Am I in love or in trauma?
Do you find yourself attracting the same kind of partners? Trauma feeds trauma Continue reading Am I in love or in trauma?
Parenting problems? How to heal intergenerational trauma
Oh the irony of parents blaming their children for their outbursts! Continue reading Parenting problems? How to heal intergenerational trauma
Fight your instincts and love your abusers!
Yarris, wrongfully convicted of murder for 22 years, refused to wish ill on his abusers. I would have become like them, he said. Continue reading Fight your instincts and love your abusers!
Conquering my void inside with awe-inspiring confessions
‘How to deal with the void inside/ the need to run away’.My friend crumbled up the note I wrote for our topic meeting today. I held my breath.The room was small today, the bad weather keeping away everyone but the … Continue reading Conquering my void inside with awe-inspiring confessions
Stuck in the Dark Night of the Soul
Long before mental health became a hot topic, desperate souls were said to be going through the dark night of the soul. Continue reading Stuck in the Dark Night of the Soul
Somatic experiencing changed my life (or how I learned to be at home in my body)
It’s 7:30 at night, and this all too familiar unease sets in again. A restlessness, a feeling that whatever it is, I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing. Yet I stay slouched on the couch. And that’s where … Continue reading Somatic experiencing changed my life (or how I learned to be at home in my body)
I’m so terrified of being a bad mother, I’d rather not be a mum at all sometimes
I was watching a mother-daughter duo on the tube today, how carefully the mum would adjust her daughter’s woollen hat, and started welling up with tears. She was clutching her little one’s hand tightly even sat down, as if she … Continue reading I’m so terrified of being a bad mother, I’d rather not be a mum at all sometimes
The healing effects of pointless, tangible art – stop procrastinating, create your own therapy!
Hobbies should be something that allow you to lose yourself in the activity, something that brings you pure joy and has no other other purpose entirely. Continue reading The healing effects of pointless, tangible art – stop procrastinating, create your own therapy!
How to never practise self-abandonment again
Children of dysfunctional homes often end up repeating the same relationship patterns they learned early on, first of all with themselves. This is what feels safe and known; our nervous system and brain is still stuck in fight-or-flight mode and … Continue reading How to never practise self-abandonment again
Depression taught me to live again
Last summer, my 2-year depression came to a head. I took myself to A&E and refused to leave, knowing that if I did, I would be all out of options with my suicidal depression. Previously, therapists had sent me away, … Continue reading Depression taught me to live again
Gratitude is an action – or how to do a gratitude journal properly
A friend of mine recently shared in my fellowship her discovery: gratitude is an action, not a feeling. Denominating it as a mere emotion degrades gratitude, and it changed the way I write out my daily (well, weekly) gratitude journal. … Continue reading Gratitude is an action – or how to do a gratitude journal properly
Emotional sobriety – the holy grail of any recovery
In my own journey of processing childhood trauma and addiction I’ve come across the term ‘emotional sobriety‘ multiple times, and its poetry struck me. In all the meetings I’ve been to recently, I have not met a single addict with … Continue reading Emotional sobriety – the holy grail of any recovery
How to stop outsourcing your wellbeing
At the fragile 26 year mark of my life, I finally found what adulthood truly means to me (whether I want it to or not): Stop outsourcing your personal responsibilities and wellbeing That means my career is no longer my … Continue reading How to stop outsourcing your wellbeing
Taking Christmas off people (or a good idea with bad timing)
For starters, I am working today. In a hospitality job no less, so people can not be avoided (not five guys but I liked the photo I took there after work). I made sure to get a job in time … Continue reading Taking Christmas off people (or a good idea with bad timing)
