Falling back into trauma

Trauma recovery is kind of my thing.
Not only do I have this blog, but you should see my library collection.
I pride myself of training myself out of the fight or flight response that years of abuse and neglect inflicted. Actively healing my CPTSD and childhood trauma, I was finally at ease.
So when someone broke into my flat a week ago, I was thrown for a spin.
Surely all my years of research and experience would help, right?

“Unlike other forms of psychological disorders,
the core issue in trauma is reality.”

– Bessel A. van der Kolk

Apart from checking items of this handy unhealed-trauma-list, there’s other symptoms:
zoning out, overeating, undersleeping, flashbacks and an uncomfortableness around my heartbeat. When the break in happened, I thought my heart would break out of my chest.
I know that movement is healing, even if gentle and slow.
I haven’t been out for a run yet but am incorporating yoga back into my routine.
The reality of trauma is that healing takes time.

“We don’t heal in isolation,
but in community.”

– S. Kelley Harrell

I’m first to offer but am real reluctant to accept any help.
But healing does not occur in a vacuum, we need others to lean on and to relearn how to trust.
Reaching out to others, being honest and speaking of my fears has made all the difference.
Maybe at some point we had to be strong and self-reliant, but not anymore.
Can we be vulnerable? Show weakness and still feel safe?
That’s when we know we made a massive step towards healing.

“After all, when a stone is dropped into a pond,
the water continues quivering even after
the stone has sunk to the bottom.”
– Arthur Golden

When a traumatic event happens, our entire body and nervous system is rocked.
Not only do we have to be compassionate and patient, we need to dial back for a while.
Maybe focusing on our priorities only is exactly what we needed anyway.
Like Marie Kondo, keep only what brings you joy!
How do you bounce back after trauma? Can you give yourself time and space thats needed?

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