What does unhealed trauma look like?

When I was still in the midst of it, I thought trauma could never be healed.
I felt like hurt people hurt others, and I was one of the broken ones.
But now I can see how wrong I was, trauma is not a life sentence!
The key is to be aware of it, and it is never too late to tackle unprocessed pain.

I’ve written before about active steps towards healing trauma (here and here and here).
But there are symptoms to unhealed trauma too, both mental and physical!

  1. People pleasing and needing to be liked by everyone
    We are scared of being seen as in the ‘wrong’ due to trauma.
  2. Co-dependency or trauma-bonding
    We need others to feel whole or think that shared pain constitutes a basis for love.
  3. You throw yourself into new relationships and love dating apps
    Relationships can make us feel good, but only if we don’t reflect on them too much.
  4. You’re scared of things going wrong when they’re going well
    We expect trauma to repeat itself instead of trusting our future.
  5. We have a problem with rejection and abandonment
    We never learned how to practise self-care and feel like children again.
  6. Putting up with toxic behaviour and abusive people
    After encountering trauma, we might equate pity with love.
  7. We cannot handle anger and become irrational
    If we weren’t allowed to express anger as children, we need to learn anger management.
  8. We blame others for feeling lonely
    The longer we self-isolate due to trauma, the more our relationship muscles atrophy.
  9. We cling to our parents or cannot bear thinking about them
    Children of traumatic upbringings are terrified of becoming the
  10. We feel threatened or bored by exercise
    An elevated heart rate or focusing on our bodily sensations can remind us of trauma.
  11. We suffer from invisible or chronic illnesses
    Taking care of others before ourself takes a toll on the body.

If you recognise any of these in you, feel free to click on the associated blog post!

Researching and writing about trauma has been a great outlet for me, as well as creativity.
At first understanding the full impact of my trauma felt overwhelming, but you will be so glad to understand that you are not broken.
You are enough just the way you are, and everything you are hoping for yourself is achievable.
You can have the relationships you desire, stability in your life and happiness you can trust!
How has learning about trauma changed your life?

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