One self-imposed crisis after another

My friend looks relieved as he recounts his drama-filled days.
“I used to say to my wife ‘we cannot have things too nice because they always go wrong‘.
I do not think like that anymore. My days are quiet now, peaceful.”

I too identify with his words.
Did I love the drama, or did the drama love me?

It is only in hindsight that we can distinguish patterns.
In the midst of it, everything is one big chaos.

Sometimes we are born into pain; it is imposed on us.
Other times (often afterwards) we cling to suffering as it’s the only thing we know.
Unknowingly we build scenarios where stress and panic are our constant companions:
our nervous system never got to slow down, and we are stuck in fight or flight.
Of course we won’t feel at ease in relaxing situations!

Maybe it’s human to continuously realise
the naivety of our younger days;
how we have grown and learned from our mistakes.

Blissfully unaware, I became defensive when called out.
It was always someone else’s fault.
And even when I was to blame, I couldn’t help myself.
No real accountability here, hence no change.

It was only when I apologised to people when I believed they did me greater harm (without mentioning this).
With a clean slate, committed to truth,
I was ready to view myself no matter what I found.

The process of reparenting ourselves is never ending.
But it is crucial that we start now so not to play catch up.
The more I clung to distractions, the less time did I spent inside myself.
And I didn’t come home all at once: I dipped a toe in every now and then,
tried art, meditation, running, and slowly became at ease just being me.

If you are looking to leave behind the fast and the furious, this blog post about reverse engineering your nervous system will be useful.
Did you go from everyday drama to a peaceful life?
Let me know and together we can grow into our true selves with satisfied, content lives!

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