We all desire something from time to time that we know deep down is wrong. Be it lust, greed or a plain brownie – our instincts are screaming NO, while what we believe to be our heart says YES, DO IT!
How do we handle this turmoil of emotions, and most importantly: Which way do we go?
What I’m talking about can range from the morally comprehensible (like sleeping with a taken person) to slightly dodgy (sleeping around during a pandemic) to not really that bad (fantasising about someone who’s not your partner).
I am also not talking about slut or any other kind of shaming, but the inner voice that independent-ish from social conditioning disagrees with what we want.
For some reason or other, we do not want to see ourselves doing what part of us wants us to do.
What’s my motivation behind this?
This should be our go-to question when we are unsure on what to do.
It takes away any pretence, white lies or denial.
Do we want to be less lonely, appear a certain way or please other people?
Are we hoping to satisfy selfish needs? Not necessarily wrong, but we should definitely be aware of it. Am I hurting anyone? Do I have unhealthy or unrealistic expectations?
What do I think I deserve?
I was watching this video by therapist Marisa Peer on the fear of intimacy, and she highlights the importance of analysing what we learned about love growing up. What attachment style did we observe in our parents: Was love something to be earned, a punishment or a privilege?
What do we expect in relationships with others? What love do we think we deserve?
When does our gut instinct act up, and what happens when we ignore it?
Sometimes we will feel a dichotomy of needs when we are fighting between what we have learned to want and what we truly want.
What is right or wrong will change from person to person. But only you will know what to do.
Nobody has lived your unique set of circumstances, and nobody will have to live with the consequences of your actions but you. To be right or to be free, that is the question of trauma.