How to stop proving and instead improve yourself

Do you find yourself stuck in a loop of needing external validation and betraying your own needs to get it?
The truth is that our unprocessed emotions (our inner child, the dragon within us, whatever you want to call it) is driving us to behaviour that we then regret. Healing these so we can finally tackle our dreams needs to become our priority.

You cannot plan the future by the past. – Edmund Burke
If we do not let go of the past, we are doomed to relive it over and over.

So you are tired of your way of life. After an honest look at ourselves, we see that our obsession of proving ourselves rooted in past insecurities and traumas has taken over.
How do we finally let go and start anew? By finding value in the present. There are many ways to get there: yoga, meditation, helping others, even God. The beauty is the uniqueness of your salvation.

Relationships based on manipulation never last.

Listening to this video by Wu Wei Wisdom explaining the ‘Save Me syndrome’, they explain beautifully why needy people doom every relationship they are in.
Needing people to like you is manipulation. It took me a long time to face this truth. People-pleasing is not only dishonest, but also a way of using other people to gratify our needs.
Instead of growing with other people, we become co-dependent.

Are you taking the emotional backseat driver approach?

Often we expect a white knight to appear and save us, but only in the way we want to be saved.
We refuse and neglect to set clear boundaries or communicate effectively.
Do you wish to finally be seen for who you truly are? Its hard to turn these fantasies off, but they reveal a lot about our unconscious wishful thinking. I’ve written before about fast crushes and easy heartbreaks, addictive because they put all the work on the other person.

What is it that you wish people saw in you?
Why are you not seeing those qualities in yourself?

In order to improve our character defects and quality of life, we need to be our own white knight. You want to be successful? What does that look like to you? What’s stopping you from achieving those goals? Have you tried setting SMART goals, doing a little every day to eventually get there? Have you tackled internal self-doubt that stops you from pursuing your dreams?
Let me know what you are struggling with, and hopefully together we can heal our need of proving ourself!

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