“I give so much love to everyone” said someone on this Abraham Hicks talk, “yet receive so little back. How do I stop myself from being resentful?”
It’s clear to me now that true love does not demand or expect anything in return. However in the moment, it’s much harder to establish when we are being selfish, manipulative or caught up in our own needs.
There’s no need to become “meaner” or give up on helping others; but we do have to think about our definition of helping! Many codependents fancy themselves empaths as I explored before, and being a caregiver to everyone takes its toll on our body. The benefits to freely giving out love are aplenty: easy friendships, sympathy and camaraderie, the moral high ground of seeing no foes. Is it balance we need to learn?
If we were convinced to be in love at 12, and then discovered the true meaning of it at 22, how can we ever truly know that we experienced the “final” form of it? We believe ourselves easy to love and friendly, but we might still be in denial. Too close to our supposed reasonings and too far from seeing how we are perceived, it is tricky to realise our shortcomings. That’s why I used to be terrified of anger: how horrible to unleash one’s fury just to realise we didn’t know the full picture or were in the wrong all along! I’d rather avoid ever getting angry at all.
When we are nice so other’s are nice back, that’s manipulation (and unhealthy expectations).
When we lament to our loved ones that we are unloved, that’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
When we need other people’s love to feel happy, we are hoping that other’s teach us how to love ourselves. But nobody knows ourselves as well as we do, so let’s do some research and give ourselves a headstart!