Does this sound familiar?
You’ve been looking forward to seeing your friends for ages after you’ve been stuck inside (maybe because you had to finish your dissertation), but once you do, the self-hating thoughts run rampant. Yes, you have the best time catching up, laughing, and being silly – but in the quiet moments you think to yourself
“this is so stupid, I’m being too loud, I bet he’s annoyed right now, I bet he wants me to leave, I hate myself, why am I wearing this, why can’t I be normal, I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself”
And the more you try to rationalise it, the louder the voice gets.
There’s no use telling myself I’m loved or pretending it’s not happening.
If I fight this, I’m giving in to it.
I have gone through cycles with this.
I have tried to ignore the thoughts, I obsessed with them and noted every instance of anxiety, I have avoided going out because I know the social come down is a lot, I have tried forcing myself to say loving things instead, but nothing worked.
In quicksand, you relax, you breathe, you let go.
I move the focus of the moment away from my head onto my breathing.
I go from thinking to feeling to simply being.
So now when the waves of social anxiety threaten to drown me, I just give in to the fear. It wants me to run and hide, but if I stay and listen to the thoughts, if I sit with the feelings in my body – I realise they were all smoke and mirrors anyway.
Yes, some days will be easier than others.
But this is not my first rodeo. I know about somatic healing, about the benefits of breathwork and what tools have proven beneficial to me.
I know that journaling untangles my thoughts and meditation lets me see the bigger picture. I am not helpless, and anxiety is not me.
And I will go see my friends anyway, tell them about the thoughts, and laugh together.
“This is the real secret of life — to be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now. And instead of calling it work, realize it is play.”
– Alan Watts
Reparent Your Soul 
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