“If you don’t like the fruit, find out what the seeds are”

Nobody likes to suffer (unless you’re really kinky).
But even fewer people are willing to avoid unnecessary suffering.
I kept going round and round in a familiar pattern, rolling around in self-pity, because it was preferable to admitting the truth: I was caught in a battle of two different kinds of suffering and paralysed with fear.
It takes courage and connection to look at our roots and decide to rip them out.

Once the seed has been found, we can replace it with something that yields fruit that actually nourishes us.

The truth will not be pretty: be it seeking fast connections out of fear of abandonment, drug use to avoid our thoughts or cutting words to create a safe distance, we have to avoid seeing ourselves as victims and face up to the consequences of our actions.
The seeds we are sowing are affecting the whole ecosystem of people in our lives. Have courage, and keep looking deeper. What story are you telling yourself? What have you tried in the past to change, and more importantly, what haven’t you tried yet?
The best seeds won’t grow unless we use the right fertiliser and water them.

When you’re lost, take your comfort zone for a walk

A lot of us may know their unhappy, but it is much harder to pinpoint exactly why.
In those cases I like to have a change of scenery: take a vacation to somewhere rural, do a spiritual retreat, or visit some loved ones. But really allow yourself to switch off.
What weight falls off your shoulders? What do you miss, what are you glad to be rid of? Now that your nervous system is able to self-regulate, what hurt are you aware of, and what can you release?
Be gentle with yourself. Gardening takes patience.
Even if your new seeds didn’t sprout the plants you were expecting, at least you’ve gotten some fresh air. And isn’t that better than before?