There’s a lot of lists with good virtues, tricks that get you far in life or psychological growth secrets. However, there is nothing as simple and life-changing as the word No.
All of us, but especially girls, are taught to say yes in life. Even Jim Carrey told us so in Yes Man!
But Yes erases boundaries, gives into feelings of guilt and causes exhaustion.
So say Yes to reading more about No!
“Saying no is your greatest power in life.”
– Michaela Coel,
after dropping out of university twice,
abandoning her faith and
becoming one of the biggest TV stars in the UK
We don’t consciously start over-saying yes.
This is often a struggle of emotionally intelligent empaths.
Once we experience how our No’s can cause disappointment or conflict, we may find it easier to inconvenience ourselves.
Not only does this impact our mental health over time, but also our physical wellbeing.
“One friend told me her one big takeaway
from three years and $11,000 of therapy was
Learn to say no.
And when you do, don’t complain and don’t explain.
Every excuse you make is like an invitation
to ask you again in a different way.”
– Kelly Corrigan
On the other hand, it can feel impossible to say No.
The words literally won’t leave our mouths!
We need to start small – say no to a favour asked, a cup of tea offered, a plan made.
It’s easier to do this with people we trust.
I also found it a good test with new people I meet: if saying no (or thinking about it!) leads to an awkward situation, we might not be a good match and I might have let old patterns of attachment lead me.
If saying No causes arguments,
don’t go back to saying Yes.
Remove yourself from the
toxic environment no matter what.
Saying No is the first step to establishing boundaries.
This blog post explains why we may need people depending on us, and this one
takes you from doormat to assertiveness!
No has opened so many doors for me.
It has allowed me to explore my own needs and not live to constantly please others.
By saying No more, others were able to say Yes instead.
By saying No more, I stopped acting out of fear and guilt.
By saying No more, I learned to say Yes to myself.