Expectations are premeditated resentments

It’s fair to say that everyone struggles with disappointment.
We prefer to feel in control of a situation, to know what’s waiting for us.
And when things go wrong, people react in different ways:
We lash out at others, at ourselves, we binge, we hide away, or we go shopping.
So how do we avoid self-destructive behaviour and not expect outcomes in the first place?

“If you knew all the answers,
there’d be no need for trust, little one.”
– Patti Callahan

A big teaching of the spiritual 12-step program is to give over our worries and fears.
It doesn’t even matter what to, as long as we stop expecting to solve the world in 24 hours.
I’ve learned to trust that I will not encounter more than I can handle.
Looking back over past disappointments, I can see how I’ve grown from them.
And I know that each letdown has another pearl of wisdom waiting for me to discover.
Disappointment is a choice of perspective.

“Disappointment is a natural part of
the schedule if you plan on winning.”
– Johnnie Dent Jr.

Nothing ever happens in our comfort zone.
In order to achieve any goals at all, we need to enjoy failing and failing again.
It’s by not achieving what we had hoped for that we understand how to get there.
When I’m disappointed, there’s a inner 5-year old crossing her arms and shouting:
“But it’s not fair!” And I can feel that injustice in my bones.
But focusing on a fantasy, a world as I wished it would be, takes me away from the world I’m in.

Love is knowing that your feet carry
you to a painful place, and still go anyway.”
– Mitta Xinindlu

When we’re not expecting the future, we can life in the present.
We can enjoy what we have instead of what we wished we had.
Of course, this is easier said than done in theory.
It’s in practice, in the day to day when our instincts win at first, that we need to apply these teachings. And with practice, it will get easier.
What disappointments do you struggle with, and how do you overcome them?

3 thoughts on “Expectations are premeditated resentments

  1. I had to sit in some very huge disappointments today and I said the serenity prayer as I handed it over, so it was great to read this today. I also think of the AA saying ‘accept life on life’s terms’ tantrums over the unchangeable only end up damaging us or our property (done that one too many times lol).

    Liked by 1 person

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