The self as what we cannot bear to contain

Who am I? Am I accomplishing all that I am meant to be?
Questions like these are what keep many awake at night.
Where does our true nature stop, and social conditioning begin?
Which flaws are just who we are, and what do we need to work on?
What do we get to defend as our personality, and when do we have to adapt to others?

“Change can be made only when you understand
the true nature of things and not when
you’ve form weird images of them into your head!”
– Mwanandeke Kindembo

Buddhists get strange looks when they insist that the self does not exist.
We slap so many labels onto ourselves as we get older, and each one comes with its own rules:
A daughter is obedient, a friend is loyal, a girlfriend loving, and on and on it goes.
Some roles don’t get too attached to, but some identities become us.
We lose ourselves if we the reality of who we are does not equal who we think we should be.
(A mother loves their child, a father is respected, girls fancy boys, …)

In a web of interconnected identity roles,
there is little space to be ourselves.
Whatever spills out, whatever we can’t bear to contain,
is who we are.

It’s human to want to adapt to society, if anything it is our greatest strength.
But if we all adapted perfectly, we would all be the same.
It seems that on some things we cannot budge, we refuse to give in.
Until here I cared what others thought of me, but I cannot help myself!
Standing up to an abuser, keeping a pregnancy or choosing a career: it’s what makes us us.
It’s when the constant second guessing stops, and we finally trust our intuition to lead us.

If you liked this post, check out more spirituality-inspired writing:
How to let go or the lost conduit to source
We do not question electricity
What if God is a placebo effect?