At the beginning of any relationship, both parties are sussing each other out for compatibility.
Be it a romantic, professional or platonic partner, you both are likely looking for a good match.
But are you seeing the other person really for who they are, or who you want them to be?
Are you attracting long-lasting, genuine connections, or looking to fill a void no matter what?
If you are already uncomfortable with any behaviour at the start of the relationship, you might not want to ignore your instinct. After all, you will be more likely to forgive them now.
As soon as you are both more enmeshed into each others lives, whatever bothered you will grate on you even more. You are also both more likely to shed any pretence later on.
If you are too happy to ignore red flags, it might say more about the both of you than you might realise.
Here’s a helpful list I found by Annie Kaszina :(dr_anniephd on instagram)
- You excuse away hurtful behaviour towards you (they had a busy, stressful day)
- You let them persuade you into doing something you didn’t want to do
- Their persistence makes you think they are really into you, like you owe them
- Moving quickly without getting to know each other properly must mean intense love
- You don’t call them out on things you’re uncomfortable with to show how you’re nice and cool
- You misinterpret your intuition as pickiness or negativity
- You downplay your doubts, uncertainties and anxieties
- Their previous dating/friendship history gets explained away by you, especially them speaking badly about former relationships (which they will do about you)
- You focus on getting them to like you – instead of making sure they meet your criteria
- You get distracted by your own fantasies and expectations instead of seeing the warning signs
Red flags can convince you that your gut instinct is wrong, and we end up gaslighting ourselves.
Overanalysing our feelings, we try to rely on logics.
Instincts take into account intangible but important things like body language and tone.
It’s also important to ask yourself whether you’re in genuine love or in a codependent trauma-bond.
Have you ever ignored red flags against your better judgement and regretted it later?
Let me know!