All my life I have allowed myself to live within the comfortable and easy.
Pushing emotional boundaries feels scary.
I’m quite happy to go solo backpacking or skydiving, but taking a risk putting my feelings out there is too much.
But this week I made a big step in the right direction – and I feel so much better for it!
You can’t demand a certain outcome.
Saying your truth is enough.
Being honest and vulnerable may feel wrong, but is the only way we can keep growing.
What is my aim goal? Do I wan to be liked, or my authentic self?
Whatever we do outwardly is one thing, but it affects how true I am to myself.
If I’m too terrified to confide in others, will I be able to be honest about my feelings to myself?
For years I lied to myself and others about my true self,
but no more.
Barely anyone of my real life properly follows this blog, and yet I am scared to be honest in here.
Even though writing helps me process what I’m going through.
Even though I have written about abuse and trauma and all kinds of raw stuff on here!
So here we go: I’m not straight. Like at all. Like I’m the very opposite of it.
And while I had my suspicions ever since I was a teen, there’s no denying it now.
I have never in my life felt so terrified
Clearly, there’s a lot of internalised stuff there.
Although my chosen family is most accepting, my biological one gave me some issues to work on.
But the thing is this: Will I ignore who I know I am in my gut, live with regret and fake my way through life just because I am scared of how people will react?
Or will I take the plunge, be honest with myself and others, feel the fear and do it anyway?
I’ve done the former, now I’m trying the latter.
And it’s great so far!
Have you ever done anything you were terrified of admitting?
How did you learn to live with your most authentic self?