Saturn Return or walking well-trodden paths

I’ve been quiet over the last 2 months, and some of it has been for very exciting career-y reasons! But some of it has been for equally exciting, more painful healing reasons alas.
Reparenting yourself is often cyclical, like a pendulum banging its head against a wall until it finally breaks through.
And yes, it hurts. But it’s the good kind of hurt.

“Occurring every 27 to 29.5 years, the Saturn Return is when the planet Saturn returns to the same sign when you were born.
The Saturn Return, therefore, acts as a sort of cosmic alarm clock – it’s a moment for self-reflection and planning.
If you aren’t on the right path, Saturn has a way of helping you to readjust.”

You don’t have to believe in astrology to draw inspiration from it.
After moving out in our early twenties, we have a period of self-discovery where we disentangle ourselves from our parents and the ideas we had about who we were.
We then spend years enjoying that new-found life – finally my own boundaries, my own responsibilities, my own dreams to peruse!
It’s a joy of growing older that we continuously realise that we didn’t know anything before. What we took for granted grumbles down, what we dreamed would be perfect lets us down, and how beautiful is that.
So I’ve just turned 30, and a lot of the lessons I thought I had already learned are demanding to be learned again.

“Prior to Saturn Return, we are a construction of external influence.
When Saturn returns to its home base in our birth charts, however, the ringed gas giant inspires us to reevaluate every aspect of life to ensure that we’re fulfilling our greatest potential.”

I don’t believe in people’s greatest potential. I believe in trying to be good.
To ourselves, to others, to the world.
So it doesn’t faze me that there is still a lot of healing to do, that some months it feels like I’m walking backwards, that I might die never becoming the person I had envisioned in my teens.I find it thrilling.
But it does mean that sometimes I don’t get as much as done as I planned, so while I hope to update this blog often, my summer travelling and writing a postgrad thesis might leave this place barren. Just know that my heart isn’t.