I woke up to a stranger in my home

As soon as I opened my eyes at 2:30am, I knew something was wrong.
It took me a few moments to pinpoint it:
the light moving around downstairs, the shadows dancing across the walls, the hesitant footsteps across my living room.
My bed is on the mezzanine level, overlooking the rest of the studio.
I tried to convince myself that it was my neighbours I was hearing, or someone in the garden shining a light through the window, but it quickly became obvious my gut was right.
Especially when he started coming up the stairs to my bed.

I never knew my heart could beat this loud.
I was sure the burglar would be able to hear it.

When I was around 7, I became terrified that a burglar would break in and kill me.
For 2 years I was too afraid to be alone on a floor (we had 4, I know) or be alone in the dark.
I was too scared to look in the mirror for fear of seeing someone behind me.
I was too scared to shower with the door closed in case I open it to someone in my room.
So when one of my greatest fears came true, one I had nearly forgotten about, I thought I would be better prepared.

“I know you’re inside.
What is happening?!”, I asked into my dark flat.

I was content with pretending to be asleep and letting him take whatever he wanted.
But I was not going to have him stand in front of my bed.
As soon as I spoke, he rushed out, his steps no longer careful but heavy.
With the police on the line, I walked downstairs to find my flat door wide open, and in turn the house door as well.
They didn’t find him or any fingerprints.
I should count myself lucky, they said. Nothing was taken and I was unharmed.

I haven’t been able to sleep at night since.
With all the trauma work I’ve done,
you’d think I’d be able to shake this quicker.

I know I should allow myself time to get over the shock.
On the other hand, I feel silly for being so affected.
The front door is now double locked, my own door has 2 additional locks.
I sleep with the lights on and a wind chime and door wedge blocking the front door.
I should feel safe, but I’m tense all the time.
My shoulders touch my ears, I jump at the smallest noise and I’m scared of leaving the flat.

Unfortunately, this blog post
does not have a conclusion or lesson.

I guess time will heal.
Have you ever been in a similar situation and have any tips?
Make sure your locks are secure x