how to make old friends and lose new ones

Since i quit the corporate life last year, I’ve had to really face my definition of friendship. Many friends are made out of convenience, similar interests or the wider friend group.

I thought I had realised that friendships, like any other relationship, needs active work. But once I completely changed what I wanted in life, I realised it needed honesty too.

You don’t want to hurt a friend, but you also get tired of evading. You don’t want to vocalise this to your other friends, because you catch the glimpse of worry in their eyes, and then you feel horribly ungrateful and ashamed.

The problem starts when polite ghosting doesn’t work and the other person demands an explanation. How to explain that I don’t know what to say to them anymore?

I just don’t know how to say no. I used to want to be liked so badly I would go to everything I possibly could. I have a million friends but spend my evenings watching sitcoms. Because its my own fault time with friends doesn’t replenish me.

So, a few months ago, a friend came to stay, and I had to ask her to leave. There is no doubt in my mind that there was no other way around it, and I learned to separate her actions and herself.

Friendship is a tricky one. Can people evolve together, look past each others mistakes and find new boundaries? When friendships are not just leisure but also a substitute for family, how many can you afford to gain?

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