A confession

I am guilty of being that friend who delays the whole group by stopping and taking a photo of every rainbow reflection, rain puddle or pretty skyscraper.

I both want to be known as the friend who takes good pictures and also not have it assumed that I will take their picture at every outing.

Does anyone else have this struggle? The innocent magic that made me take out my camera is lost as soon as people are posing or the the surrounding has been obviously arranged, but who asks for recognition and then gets annoyed when they get it, just not in the way they wanted it?

i think part of being a filmmaker or photographer (insert visual artist) is being paranoid.

Because maybe I feel like I’m being watched too? As a child, it was more a game, but now it manifests in constant self-criticising.
This is not good enough, this is too late, this is pathetic.

I view myself through someone else’s point of view, how I appear to others, over exaggerating the impact I actually have on the people around me. Add an unhealthy amount of unprocessed guilt, and if I feel bad about making people feel bad, then it means I did something bad, right?

A sick pigeon hopping across the pavement amid the shadows and light play of the trees and leafs is capture worthy because it made me feel something.

I view those moments like catching magical fireflies throughout the day.
A lonely rose stretching out into the road on a chilly morning
A sunset peaking in over London’s banking district
I love finding value in something that other people just pass by.

And maybe someone else will look at my photos, and next time they see an everyday firefly, they will smile too.