It’s not WHAT we do but WHY

A few days ago I was talking to my overeaters anonymous sponsor, complaining about still not eating mindfully.
Everyone has trigger foods, and I kept indulging in mine.
“Wait a second Jasmine”, she said, “it’s not what you eat, but why you eat.”
The issue isn’t donuts or takeaway, it’s that I’m trying to numb my feelings by eating.
Of course, this thinking can be applied to many other things, such as relationships, exercising or drinking.

“You can’t control life,
at least you can control your version.”
– Chuck Palahniuk

The illusion of control over my life continuously sets me up for failure.
Of course, the circumstances of my life are out of my hands, but I kept thinking I could control how I feel and handle situations. I was negating my emotions, thinking I should be feeling differently.
The truth is, it wasn’t the circumstances I couldn’t live with, it was me.

Being truly yourself doesn’t mean
coming up with a version of yourself you could live with.
It means to live with yourself as you are, flaws and all.

So instead over obsessing what I am or should be eating, I try to focus on the why.
Am I hungry, or just trying to change how I feel and distract myself?
Am I dying my hair once again for fun, or damaging my hair for therapy?
Am I running for the joy of movement, or am I punishing myself for yesterday’s dinner?
The reason for my actions is more important than the action itself.

Context matters.
By giving up tunnel vision, I can take in the full picture.

Unfortunately real change requires me asking why every single time.
And I do not beat myself up for slipping up, but understand its progress, not perfection I seek.
What unhealthy coping mechanism do you struggle with?