No matter our self-growth, once our ego gets triggered it’s hard to see the bigger picture.
Usually calm and rational, once jealous, angry or defensive it’s all different.
Over the past few weeks I have tried a new technique to quickly disengage.
It’s been a game changer!
I understood that we choose to take
insults or circumstances personal.
But I didn’t know how to stop doing it.
I was on a zoom call with a bunch of friend when one of them said:
“You haven’t called me in ages Jasmine, you’re slacking on your friendship skills.”
As I laughed it off and gave excuses (I have been crazy busy recently), I was quietly enraged.
How dare she put me on the spot in front of everyone, she hadn’t called me either, etc etc.
As usual once my ego gets activated I couldn’t stop thinking about it for hours.
I knew I was being petty, but how could I stop my mind obsessing over it?
Let’s turn this into a compliment.
It doesn’t matter who was right or wrong.
My friend only said that because she cared about me.
She enjoys talking to me, and wishes to do so again!
Immediately, my anger dissipated and I gave her a ring the next day.
This is too good to be true, I thought.
Does it work with everything?
Friends didn’t help as much on a project as I was hoping they would:
Great, as long as I don’t ask they trust me to do well!
People didn’t congratulate me on a big achievement:
Amazing, it’s so normal for them to see me do well they don’t point it out!
When I brought cupcakes for my friends, one stayed leftover:
Wow, people enjoyed my baking so much they didn’t want to take the last one!
Here’s the key:
It doesn’t have to make sense.
Of course, sometimes conflict and hurt feelings need to be discussed.
Other times, for instance when locked inside with your family, we need to swallow our ego.
If we always respond to our defensive side, we wouldn’t have any healthy relationships.
By knowing when to pick our battles, we can eliminate drama.
We can’t always change situations,
but turns out we can trick ourselves.
This small technique has really helped me find serenity with others.
I’m able to let small resentments go more easily, and who doesn’t want that!
Let me know if you try it out, what does it do for you?